Ooer. This is weird being back. Hey, hi! How's it going? Long time no speak. Did you have a good New Year? More importantly, w h y is January the longest month in the history of the earth?
ONLY ONE MORE DAY. We've got this!
Anyway, enough of the small talk. I guess I should probably get on to explain where I've been over the last month or so. Get some things off my chest. Air my dirty laundry and all that.
At the end of 2017, I had no idea where my blog was going. Let alone life. I had no motivation and I wasn't writing anything because I literally just couldn't find the words to. Like bloggers block, y'know?
Truth be told, I was actually scared to even open to my laptop because I knew the longer I went without posting, the more pressure there was to address why I'd been so absent. Not just that, the judgment that could potentially follow with it.
**Disclaimer: If anything to do with anxiety is a trigger for you, please don't read on.**
I'm not gonna lie, the latter half of 2017 was a bit shit for me. In November, my anxiety came back with full force and my emotions/stress were off the scale. My daily worries got more intense, I started drowning in all sorts of insecurities & self-doubt and I'd completely lost myself.
To some people, these might sound like trivial things, but they are things that require a tiring, everyday mind battle which gets worse at particularly shitty times.
After months of debating it, I decided to stop ignoring the feelings (because they clearly weren't going away anytime soon) and I finally plucked up the courage to book a doctors appointment to try and tackle the issue.
During the grueling 2 week wait, I made a huge decision to come off the pill. After 10 years of always having to take it for various reasons, I was absolutely bricking it. Luckily, my friend had also just recently come off it and said it was the best thing she ever did. She wasn't wrong!
When the day of seeing my GP finally came, I felt slightly more level-headed on the reasons I was actually going. I made sure I was fully prepared a wrote a list on my phone of everything that was affecting my day-to-day life, along with how I was feeling.
Long story short, I was referred for CBT sessions which I am currently on the waiting list for. I had the initial assessment the other day and they think the sessions will be really beneficial.
I'm really eager to get started and hopefully, they make the world of difference!
Onto the start of 2018. To be quite frank, this was a giant emotional shit storm. Not only did I get stuck in a rut, I also ended a long-term relationship. 100% one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I won't go into details, but I'm just glad there are no hard feelings on either side and I wish him all the happiness.
Before wrapping this post up, I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me because that's not what this post is about. I just felt like I owed you all an explanation as to why I just fell off the earth for a lil bit. But hey, I'm back!
Big shout out to my family and friends who have been the most supportive little balls of positivity throughout everything. They are the most wonderful people and getting through stuff has been a whole lot easier with them around!
So as of right now, I have no idea what the future holds and that's ok. I hope 2018 will be an amazing year for you all, and I'd love to know if you have any big plans! And remember, like my old friend Dumbledore used to say ''Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if only one remembers to turn on the light.'''
Big love x
